Failure of others to validate the hurt of those who think they need validation feels like the cruelest kind of abuse.The impulse to retaliate becomes irresistible: "You're cold, inconsiderate, selfish, heartless, narcissistic, immoral, abusive, etc."However warranted it may seem, retaliation makes people defensive and reduces their capacity for validation.Compassion Power For me, validation is a means of helping another person handle and manage the weight of his/her pain.If someone can successfully validate the gravity of what I am feeling, for instance, s/he can successfully alleviate some of my suffering merely by helping me disperse the mental weight of whatever I may be experiencing.Since I received very little validation as I was growing, and I never saw my parents validate themselves, I had no idea how to do it or even that it was possible to validate myself.Now I know that self-validation is not only possible, but absolutely necessary to feel happy, inwardly peaceful, secure, worthy and have loving relationships with others.
We heal emotional pain by engaging our innate ability to create value and meaning in our lives.
As you learn to attend to your feelings and validate the information they are giving you, you will start to feel a deeper sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
As you learn to trust your inner knowing rather than make others your authority for what is right or wrong for you, you will start to feel more inwardly powerful.
But as much as you may succeed in getting others to approve of you, as long as you are judging yourself you will continue to feel badly about yourself.
All feelings are informational, letting you know when you are abandoning yourself with your self-judgments and various addictions, and when others are being uncaring toward you and disconnected from you.
When you choose to be kind to yourself and to others and to value yourself for your kindness, you will find yourself feeling very happy with yourself.